Contrary to popular psychology, which commands us to “be happy” and “think positive”, the science of positive psychology encourages us to feel and process our darker more challenging emotions fully and honestly, not to mask, suppress, or inhibit how we feel. While being with what hurts, we develop a capacity to accept and learn from pain. In doing so, we learn adaptive ways to handle the inevitable hardships of life, and we grow more resilient.

We can’t rush through unpleasant emotions, like fear, grief, or sadness. To be emotionally healthy, we can’t use forced positive thinking to avoid feeling angry or heartbroken. We have to give our emotions -all of them- the time and space they need to be expressed and then to evolve.