my understanding of grief and love and how to cope changes everyday. everyday, i feel a wave of emotions that i can’t explain and try to search for meaning in books, quotes and poetry. everyone has their own experience with grief and love so i’m unable to find something that’s able to relay all of the words inside of me that a mountain is resting on.

isn’t that what’s beautiful though? the fact that we can all experience these feelings of love, loss, and deep sorrow but articulate them in a way that is completely different than anyone else. we’re so inherently similar but still so strikingly unique. my experience will always feel just a little mysterious every day that i continue to hold onto these feelings. it’s like living a thousand different lives in every new second of the day.

but it isn’t new. none of this is, and the mountains and oceans and blades of grass and bees and birds have been watching this happen for eons. it’s better this way. the inevitable that we cannot control. this dark cloud than casts a shadow so dark even the sun has to go into hiding. but the oceans are there, ready to welcome me and all 75% of the water molecules that live inside of me reminding me and telling me it’s okay. for me to lose him than for him to lose me.